No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. -- 1 Corinthians 10:13I've been trying to figure out all day long how I wanted to write about this topic. It's not easy, sometimes to put the truth on the page.
I knew when I split it off with Bob that the relationship would be over-over, as in he's absolutely refusing to even discuss the possibility of a future relationship, even if we end up on the same page spiritually. It stinks, but I knew that would be the case.
What I didn't realize is that God would allow me to be so completely tested so soon.
I posted the other day that I couldn't post because I had visitors. One of those visitors just happened to be my ex-husband. He and I are still friends, despite all that's happened. Now, one of the first people to comment on this blog suggested that I reconsider my position on this divorce and remarriage subject. Let me fill you in a bit on how things went with my ex-husband.
He was a jerk. Not physically abusive (in the strictest sense of the term), but definitely mentally abusive in a very subversive way. His insults were never the "you're a stupid idiot" type of insult. More the "you're so emotional about everything...what boiled meat again?" type insults. Indirect, but very hurtful.
He made it a point to separate me from everyone that I loved. He was not social, and was always put out if I showed any interest in even female friends. He'd get jealous of my family, and would even do whatever he needed to do to make sure I paid more attention to him than I did to my own children.
He was also very sexually aggressive. It often didn't matter if I wasn't interested in sex, he'd push until he got what he wanted, once or twice to the extent of forcing me to allow him to have his way.
So, he was staying here this week, as he brought my son to visit me. Now, before you scold me, I know he shouldn't have been here, but this trip has been arranged for months. And I don't get to see my son often, so I wasn't going to tell him not to come.
But I didn't expect that he would be so aggressive in his desires. I really didn't think that it would even be an issue. After years of divorce, and new love interests for both of us, I kinda thought we were through that. And to top it all off, I thought that ending a relationship as recently as I had would ensure the he was considerate. Boy, Satan can do some pretty strange things to our minds, can't he?
I was wrong. The ex DID try to be intimate and he was very adamant about it, to the point of waking me up several times at night in very inappropriate manners. And this after a strong discussion about my decision to rededicate my life and my body to God.
Now, the ex isn't a Christian. He tries to play one now and again (I think to win me over) but he's not. So, my decision to be true to God held little sway with him. I spend a good amount of time defending myself and my decisions while he was here.
But the whole idea that God would not allow us to be tested more than were are capable of handling stayed with me through the whole ordeal (and that's really what I feel it was). The old me would have eventually given in, just to get the ex to leave me alone. The new me didn't feel that was anything near necessary. God was with me, and I didn't have to buckle under to this jerk. God would ensure that I was taken care of...and I was.
Ultimately I came out of the whole situation a much stronger person. I feel that if I could deny the ex, and defend myself from him, then I can handle whatever I'm going to come up against when I start dating again. But if ever there was any doubt about the commitment it would take to be true to the decision I made, that doubt is now gone. Fortunately, I know that as long as I stand by my commitment, God will honor his promise to be there with me.
So, a rough few days has turned into a true blessing for me.
