“For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith" -- Romans 1:17

Living by faith is probably the most difficult part of my relationship with Jesus Christ. Like a spoiled child, I all too often think, "But Jesus, I don't want to do things that way. It's much easier my way." Is it really easier, though?

On the surface, it seems to be. If I had just continued in my relationship with Bob; if I had not broken things off with him, we would still be together. And we might even be working things out. But you know what, something has always told me it would be very hard in the long run.

Now, I'm going to step out on a bit of a limb here and tell you that God told me, early on in the relationship that if Bob and I had sex, the relationship would end badly. It did. That was the first time we broke up.

Then, we got back together. And I asked God to show me what the right thing was. But I pushed it because I wanted Bob back in my life so desperately. It started out okay, but one thing led to another and eventually, the sexual aspect of the relationship returned. But God didn't speak to me that time. Not until I asked him for his guidance.

Before I split with Bob this last time, I prayed ceaselessly for weeks. And at every turn the answer that I got from God was you have to end the relationship. I didn't want to. Because I knew that it would be a permanent end. I just wanted things to be right.

So, I held on. And I tried to make things right. And I prayed. And the same words repeated in my head daily for weeks, until despite the advice of some pretty solid people who were sure we would work through the sexual issues and other issues with counseling, I ended the relationship.

Ever ripped your own heart out and stomped it to mush? That's what ending that relationship felt like. And I questioned God, "Why is this necessary?" And the only response I got was, "Trust me." So I'm trying desperately to trust him.

And now, nearly a month after the breakup, I'm trying to live the life that God wants from me. I'm not enjoying every aspect of it, but daily I grow closer to my God. And I don't know now if he will bring Bob back into my life. Circumstances don't point one way or the other. But I do know that whatever God has in store for me is exactly what I need. And the only way that I'll ever have that is to live by His word and strive to be righteous by his standards.

Am I going to screw up? You betcha! I'm a mere human. But I'm going to keep trying and keep trying. And I'm going to remain focused on God and let Him be the director of my life, because that's what He tells me to do. Live by faith. I want to be faithful.