Well, I couldn't find the exact scripture that I wanted to use today, but I still want to share with you my struggle in letting God take control of my life.
By nature, people need to be in control. Even if you're a lifelong Christian, there are things in your life that you just have to handle. For example, the rent's due and the electric bill needs to be paid. Now, the bible tells us that God will provide for all of our needs. But it doesn't say that he'll make your bills go way. There is some expectation that God will provide, but you also have to be making some kind of effort for him to work with. So, you go out looking for a job, and God puts on there for you. Through that job, you pay your rent and electric bill.
It's when I take my responsibility to be putting forth effort too far that I begin to wrestle God for control of my life. My relationship with Bob is a good example. I want a relationship--a committed, loving, forever relationship--so badly that although I trust God has the right person in mind for me, I jumped the gun and took matters into my own hands when I entered into a physical relationship with Bob. The damage I did because I didn't allow God to control that situation may now be un-repairable.
And still I wrestle with God, trying to control my own life daily. A specific conversation today made that point very clear to me. I've been mourning this relationship. I ended it (for spiritual reasons) but I want desperately to have it back. But God may not have that in his plans.
Now, I've known this all along. And I call myself trying to leave it up to God, but how up to God is it when I keep trying to initiate contact? Or when I devote a large amount of time to thinking about the what-ifs and could-have-beens? The worst is when my self-righteous anger rears it's ugly head and I throw a pity party thinking If Bob would only sit down and have a conversation with me about this, I know that we can fix things. Maybe we could, but that's not part of God's plan right now.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-3 reads:
To everything there is a season,This may not be the season for Bob and I to talk about this relationship. It may never be that season. And it's certainly not the season for he and I to be together. So why do I wrestle with God to be in control of this season in my life?
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up
It's because I'm human. And it's my instinct to be in control. But I have to put this down. I have to really let God have it. And let him be in control. And trust that whatever he has planned for me this season, and next, and all of the seasons to follow are perfect in his will. And if I can do that, God will take me places I never dreamed possible.
How hard is it for you to hand control over to God? What are some of the things that you do when you realize you're wrestling God for control of your life, when you would be much better off if he were in control? And what are some of the ways that you've allowed God to be in control and seen the rewards of that faith?
Share with me. I'd love to hear your story.
